Dadlands by Daniel Blythe
So, you have become a proud new father. Now your life is nothing but midnight feeds, crying, screaming and incontinence. And that’s just you.
Fatherhood is an unfair game. Just as you’re heading down the wing towards an open goal, somebody not only moves the goalposts but informs you that you should have been playing cricket. Then they tie your shoelaces together and knee you in a sensitive place.
But help is at hand with Dadlands, the guide that tells you what even other dads won’t. Learn the secrets, hints, dodges and wheezes of being a new dad without having a nervous breakdown in the process.
Read up on the best way to swear in front of toddlers, the perplexing variety of baby meals and the secrets of Toy Decommissioning. Learn the best tips for getting out of children’s parties. See what happens if you call your child Chardonnay and learn how to barge your way through a crowd with a pushchair. Find out why your kids need to come last in the egg-and-spoon race… and answer all those questions that you never thought to ask.
The ultimate antidote to all those worthy-but-dull parenting manuals, Dadlands finally tells it all like it is: the trials and tribulations of the first five years, from labour ward to Reception class. This book won’t guarantee that you’ll become a Superdad, but it will help you have a lot of fun trying.
Daniel Blythe is the author of many books, including the acclaimed novels The Cut and This Is The Day. He lives with his wife and two teenage children on the edge of the Peak District.